I was thinking today that the smallest things can make me feel accomplished (as in finally removing the dandelions from my yard before they take over). The smallest things can also bring me joy and the smallest things can really frustrate me. Piled up one on top of another the smallest things can turn into a pile of frustrations that make me want to quit. Quit homeschooling, quit staying at home, quit being a nice wife, quit being a mother, etc.
For me it has been a Spring full of one little thing (and some medium sized things) after another, some nights making me feel so broken as if I can't go on anymore. Some times those little things make me wonder how long I can keep homeschooling. Uggh...what a bad attitude, but it's the truth.
Thinking about that this morning made me remember one of my favorite quotes by John Maxwell, "Failure isn't failure if you do better next time." Last week we studied inventors and Thomas Edison said that he didn't invent the incandescent light bulb, he figured out 10,000 ways that it wouldn't work. Of course it's strange to think of homeschooling or mothering in that way, but there is truth to that. I have discovered many ways that my parenting skills or my teaching is not working. Rather than getting discouraged by that I just need to try a different way of doing it.
It's easy to say that today, but there are days that seeing those failings up close cause frustration and disappointment rather than a drive to find a better way. As a homeschool mom I feel it's an accomplishment just to get school done each day and keep my house relatively in order. The mere thought of switching curriculum or tackling a problem can make me tired just thinking about it. It seems like one more thing to add to my list.
Maybe it would help if I thought of the parenting/homeschool journey as an attempt to find the best way to make it work rather than being discouraged when it isn't working. I think one of the mistakes we make in homeschooling is trying to find a specific formula or using the best curriculum, when honestly some of those systems just don't work for our family. Yet, in spite of the fact that I know this I still some times feel like a failure when I try something for my kids and it doesn't work. I assume that I am doing something wrong. (Sometimes I am doing something wrong, but that's beside the point). I will try to keep that in mind this week if yet another little thing comes up.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Blogging and sending emails in my head...
I thought that having a blog would be so great because then I could put some of these thoughts and wacky conversations I have with myself down on "paper". Ahh...imagine all the free space there would be in my mind if I could get rid of some of these words. Sadly I have discovered that even though I have so much to say I have very little time to say it. It's not as though I am surprised since I am homeschooling 6 children, but I really envisioned that in the evening there would be so many words ready to pour out of me that I would just have to sit down and blog.
What has been surprising is that I come up with some really great things I could blog about and I am super excited about them, but by the time I sit down at the computer I have forgotten everything. That is sad since some of them are funny and well-written, at least in my mind.
The only relief I have found in all of this is that it isn't just happening to me, and it doesn't just happen with my blog. There are many times that I am certain that I have sent an email to someone, only they have never received it. As it turns out, I have never sent it, I just thought about it in my mind. I composed it, knew what I was going to say and then never said it. This happens to my other friends as well, which makes me feel a little less scatterbrained, or at least at home with the other zany moms who do this. I don't think this happens to men since their brain is more focused than ours and cannot entertain multiple trains of thought like we can. When my husband is cooking dinner, he is thinking about cooking dinner while I am thinking of the email I need to send, the playdate I need to plan or the blog I am going to write later (which probably never gets written).
So, instead of whatever interesting topic I thought of yesterday this is the post that all of you get to read today. I promise the blogs I write in my head are full of all the little tidbits I would love to share, and some days you will get to read those ones too, at least I hope so.
What has been surprising is that I come up with some really great things I could blog about and I am super excited about them, but by the time I sit down at the computer I have forgotten everything. That is sad since some of them are funny and well-written, at least in my mind.
The only relief I have found in all of this is that it isn't just happening to me, and it doesn't just happen with my blog. There are many times that I am certain that I have sent an email to someone, only they have never received it. As it turns out, I have never sent it, I just thought about it in my mind. I composed it, knew what I was going to say and then never said it. This happens to my other friends as well, which makes me feel a little less scatterbrained, or at least at home with the other zany moms who do this. I don't think this happens to men since their brain is more focused than ours and cannot entertain multiple trains of thought like we can. When my husband is cooking dinner, he is thinking about cooking dinner while I am thinking of the email I need to send, the playdate I need to plan or the blog I am going to write later (which probably never gets written).
So, instead of whatever interesting topic I thought of yesterday this is the post that all of you get to read today. I promise the blogs I write in my head are full of all the little tidbits I would love to share, and some days you will get to read those ones too, at least I hope so.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Seeds, seeds, seeds....
I am sure that seeds are a common theme this time of year because everyone has been planting seeds in their garden. I have been thinking about seeds because I have some very small wildflower seedlings coming up. Of course seeing the little seedlings has reminded me of the seeds I am planting in my kids lives and how one day they will be an actual "flower".
Since I have several teenagers I am actually at the point where I see some of the seeds I have planted in my children's lives, both the flowers and the weeds. So I keep watering their flowers and try to encourage them to pull some weeds out of their lives.
What can be really discouraging to me at times is the youngest child that I am still working on. While I see the amazing things going on in the lives of my teenagers, having a younger child can be a constant reminder of how much time I have left in my homeschool journey. Some days I am thankful for the years that are left, but since my youngest child is my biggest challenge there are days that I wonder if he and I will survive the homeschool journey. My youngest, Troy, has quite an engaging personality. This is another way of saying that he is the class clown in our family. While I am sure that the Lord has many uses for his gifts, right now he causes a lot of disruptions during school and once he has managed to get school done he can be loud and rambunctious while everyone else tries to finish.
Anyway, some days it seems to me like Troy will never learn anything, but some days he surprises me. Yesterday was one of those days when I got to see a glimpse of perhaps a small seedling growing in his heart. Yesterday morning during history we were studying some inventors and this led into a discussion of some of the science that inventors have to know. Talking about Alexander Graham Bell we talked about how his knowledge of sound waves and the density of air is part of what helped him realize that voices might be able to travel through an electric current.
After we finished up for lunch Troy found some test tubes that his brother uses for science and asked if he could play with them. I really didn't think this was a good idea, but since I had a few things to get done I thought it might keep him quiet for a few minutes. Imagine my surprise when my son played with those things for almost an hour. He filled them with water and then he was in the kitchen pretending to teach a science class and talking about the density of air molecules of all things. He didn't have all his facts right, but it was a surprise to me that he would even pretend such a thing. Troy is full of so much energy that I never thought that I would see him with even a small interest in science. I don't think his personality is geared to that, but it was nice to see that somewhere underneath my son's effervescence is a serious side that is actually listening to some of the things I say, and that might be just enough encouragement to get me through the next few weeks of teaching before summer break.
Since I have several teenagers I am actually at the point where I see some of the seeds I have planted in my children's lives, both the flowers and the weeds. So I keep watering their flowers and try to encourage them to pull some weeds out of their lives.
What can be really discouraging to me at times is the youngest child that I am still working on. While I see the amazing things going on in the lives of my teenagers, having a younger child can be a constant reminder of how much time I have left in my homeschool journey. Some days I am thankful for the years that are left, but since my youngest child is my biggest challenge there are days that I wonder if he and I will survive the homeschool journey. My youngest, Troy, has quite an engaging personality. This is another way of saying that he is the class clown in our family. While I am sure that the Lord has many uses for his gifts, right now he causes a lot of disruptions during school and once he has managed to get school done he can be loud and rambunctious while everyone else tries to finish.
Anyway, some days it seems to me like Troy will never learn anything, but some days he surprises me. Yesterday was one of those days when I got to see a glimpse of perhaps a small seedling growing in his heart. Yesterday morning during history we were studying some inventors and this led into a discussion of some of the science that inventors have to know. Talking about Alexander Graham Bell we talked about how his knowledge of sound waves and the density of air is part of what helped him realize that voices might be able to travel through an electric current.
After we finished up for lunch Troy found some test tubes that his brother uses for science and asked if he could play with them. I really didn't think this was a good idea, but since I had a few things to get done I thought it might keep him quiet for a few minutes. Imagine my surprise when my son played with those things for almost an hour. He filled them with water and then he was in the kitchen pretending to teach a science class and talking about the density of air molecules of all things. He didn't have all his facts right, but it was a surprise to me that he would even pretend such a thing. Troy is full of so much energy that I never thought that I would see him with even a small interest in science. I don't think his personality is geared to that, but it was nice to see that somewhere underneath my son's effervescence is a serious side that is actually listening to some of the things I say, and that might be just enough encouragement to get me through the next few weeks of teaching before summer break.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
If mom isn't happy....
The last couple weeks my kids have been crankier than usual. They have been bickering and treating each other rudely. So, I thought we should start listening to Christian music while we get ready for school, maybe change our Bible study to focus on some verses about treating each other kindly, or maybe my kids needed to lose some privileges. I had some ideas I was going to try that's for sure.
So imagine my surprise when I was reading a book about anger in children and I discovered that my attitude can affect my children's attitudes. Well, of course I knew that, but I certainly didn't think that my attitude could be responsible for the level of misbehavior that I was seeing in my children. I admit that I have one child who picks up on all the negative energy and really acts out when I am cranky, but all of my children were acting unkindly.
So this week I decided that instead of being snappy or having that irritated mom voice I would say things to my children like, "When you do that I don't feel respected," or "that behavior is dishonoring to me." I actually thought that my children might find this a little silly to have their mom talk like that, but I was surprised by how effective this was. I resolved to not be snappy or cranky and to do my best to speak to my children in a way that didn't sound like I was always scolding them.
The results? Well my kids were better behaved and there was less bickering this week. The challenge was when my kids were rude or disrespectful to not respond to them in that manner, guess I still need to work on that one. Overall though it was a very convicting exercise for me to realize that my attitude really sets the attitudes of others around here. On the one hand I could be upset about that because it seems like I can never have a bad day, but on the other hand if a good attitude makes my children's attitudes better, then that would also make me have a better day, and I'm in control of that. What power and responsibility, but in the end there is a payoff for me as well. I'll try to remember that in the future.
So imagine my surprise when I was reading a book about anger in children and I discovered that my attitude can affect my children's attitudes. Well, of course I knew that, but I certainly didn't think that my attitude could be responsible for the level of misbehavior that I was seeing in my children. I admit that I have one child who picks up on all the negative energy and really acts out when I am cranky, but all of my children were acting unkindly.
So this week I decided that instead of being snappy or having that irritated mom voice I would say things to my children like, "When you do that I don't feel respected," or "that behavior is dishonoring to me." I actually thought that my children might find this a little silly to have their mom talk like that, but I was surprised by how effective this was. I resolved to not be snappy or cranky and to do my best to speak to my children in a way that didn't sound like I was always scolding them.
The results? Well my kids were better behaved and there was less bickering this week. The challenge was when my kids were rude or disrespectful to not respond to them in that manner, guess I still need to work on that one. Overall though it was a very convicting exercise for me to realize that my attitude really sets the attitudes of others around here. On the one hand I could be upset about that because it seems like I can never have a bad day, but on the other hand if a good attitude makes my children's attitudes better, then that would also make me have a better day, and I'm in control of that. What power and responsibility, but in the end there is a payoff for me as well. I'll try to remember that in the future.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I Homeschool Because....
At one of our support group meetings last year we wrote out a list of why we homeschool. I keep this list hanging on my fridge for those days when I need a reminder of why it is I decided to take on this journey. While I believe that homeschooling is the best classroom environment for students, and I know there are academic benefits to homeschooling those reasons don't figure into some of the top reasons on my list. So, here is my list of why I homeschool my children:
- God called me to
- My children are worth it
- I'm protecting my family
- I enjoy my children
- I get to learn new things
- It's my responsibility
- We can all be together and learn together
- I want to be one of the most important influences in my kids' lives
- We can talk about God all day long (if we want)
- I want my children to have good character
- I want to know my children as intimately as possible
- To promote positive learning
- Because of the freedom and flexibility
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Keeping my mouth shut
I have to celebrate just a small victory today. I know there aren't many people reading my blog yet, though there may be some who come back to this article, or some friends who check in from time to time. Still the blogging universe makes it seem like you are talking to others even if you are just having a conversation with a computer screen.
All the same, there was a small victory for me today. I love words. I love to write. I love to talk. In my adult life I have learned there are some times that it's better not to share things with others, because I have been hurt. So, I can be cautious and quiet sometimes around others. However, if there is anyone who gets to hear all my words it is my husband and my children. This means sometimes a brief history discussion gets turned into a lecture, or I am not content ending the discussion of a character trait we are working on until I have given numerous examples (or too many numerous examples). This means when I am hurting or worried my words can be discouraging or even mean-spirited. I know other people wouldn't think that of me, but sometimes those who love us best are the ones who see those parts of us that we hide from everyone else.
My husband is self-employed and work has been dreadfully slow this Spring. Actually it is the worst Spring that we've ever had. The past several weeks it seemed like work was coming only to have one job after another cancel. I know that none of the people canceling are being mean-spirited. There are legitimate reasons that none of these people can have the work done right now. However, last night I was very discouraged because it seems like this Spring we just can't get back on our feet. I cried and cried, but when my husband came into the room amazingly I did not speak. Oh I was tempted to tell him all my discouraging thoughts, but some things are left better unshared (or shared only with Jesus). Don't get me wrong, my husband would still have loved me if I had said mean things about how he can't get any work, or discouraging things about how things are never going to get any better, but I know those things would have hurt his feelings. I am sure as much as I struggle with trying to homeschool and raise 6 kids on my husband's income the struggle is even greater for him. I don't want him to feel like a failure, especially when it isn't his fault. So, I kept my mouth shut. I kept thinking of the line most of our mothers have told us, "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all."
And this morning when I sat down to have school with my children I also did not lash out at them or try to discourage their happiness. I even laughed with them today. I am still not sure how God will get us through this Spring, but He has gotten us through difficult times before, so I know He can do so again. In the meantime while I am waiting for Him to do something I am going to try to keep my mouth shut more often. I always thought my husband should know everything that I am thinking and feeling, because we are one, because I want us to be intimately connected. However most of the time my husband knows that I am hurting...crying is usually a clue to that. I don't always have to spill the whole jug of milk for him to see that it's sour inside.
So, I am celebrating today, because today I can see that my comments would have just made my husband feel worse, even if they had succeeded in making me feel better. Today I can see that the words would not have accomplished anything. Would they have brought in work? No. Would they have made him look for a real job? Maybe, but that isn't necessarily what I want. Would they have strengthened our relationship? No.
So, today I am writing it down, just so that I remember that it can be done. I can keep from speaking words that won't build up our relationship. I hope that I will remember this again and again so that even during difficult times I can encourage my husband to keep doing what he has been called to do, even if that encouragement only comes from me keeping my mouth shut.
All the same, there was a small victory for me today. I love words. I love to write. I love to talk. In my adult life I have learned there are some times that it's better not to share things with others, because I have been hurt. So, I can be cautious and quiet sometimes around others. However, if there is anyone who gets to hear all my words it is my husband and my children. This means sometimes a brief history discussion gets turned into a lecture, or I am not content ending the discussion of a character trait we are working on until I have given numerous examples (or too many numerous examples). This means when I am hurting or worried my words can be discouraging or even mean-spirited. I know other people wouldn't think that of me, but sometimes those who love us best are the ones who see those parts of us that we hide from everyone else.
My husband is self-employed and work has been dreadfully slow this Spring. Actually it is the worst Spring that we've ever had. The past several weeks it seemed like work was coming only to have one job after another cancel. I know that none of the people canceling are being mean-spirited. There are legitimate reasons that none of these people can have the work done right now. However, last night I was very discouraged because it seems like this Spring we just can't get back on our feet. I cried and cried, but when my husband came into the room amazingly I did not speak. Oh I was tempted to tell him all my discouraging thoughts, but some things are left better unshared (or shared only with Jesus). Don't get me wrong, my husband would still have loved me if I had said mean things about how he can't get any work, or discouraging things about how things are never going to get any better, but I know those things would have hurt his feelings. I am sure as much as I struggle with trying to homeschool and raise 6 kids on my husband's income the struggle is even greater for him. I don't want him to feel like a failure, especially when it isn't his fault. So, I kept my mouth shut. I kept thinking of the line most of our mothers have told us, "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all."
And this morning when I sat down to have school with my children I also did not lash out at them or try to discourage their happiness. I even laughed with them today. I am still not sure how God will get us through this Spring, but He has gotten us through difficult times before, so I know He can do so again. In the meantime while I am waiting for Him to do something I am going to try to keep my mouth shut more often. I always thought my husband should know everything that I am thinking and feeling, because we are one, because I want us to be intimately connected. However most of the time my husband knows that I am hurting...crying is usually a clue to that. I don't always have to spill the whole jug of milk for him to see that it's sour inside.
So, I am celebrating today, because today I can see that my comments would have just made my husband feel worse, even if they had succeeded in making me feel better. Today I can see that the words would not have accomplished anything. Would they have brought in work? No. Would they have made him look for a real job? Maybe, but that isn't necessarily what I want. Would they have strengthened our relationship? No.
So, today I am writing it down, just so that I remember that it can be done. I can keep from speaking words that won't build up our relationship. I hope that I will remember this again and again so that even during difficult times I can encourage my husband to keep doing what he has been called to do, even if that encouragement only comes from me keeping my mouth shut.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Worth it in the End
Today is the most glorious of Sundays because it's the day that we celebrate the Resurrection of our Savior.
Since I sing in the choir at my church this means getting up at 4:45 so that I can be there for the sunrise service, and singing in all 4 services. I don't love mornings anyway, but I don't sleep well when I know I'm getting up early because I am afraid that I will oversleep. This can make for a really long Sunday, so I drag my feet a little bit on Easter Sunday morning.
Having done this for several years now though I know that it's worth it. Being in the choir loft at our church I have one of the best views. There are four small windows that overlook one of the foothills that our church is at the base of. There is no feeling more incredible than singing about our risen Savior as the sun comes up. Knowing that I have that sunrise to look forward to is what gets me out of bed, even if I drag my feet a little.
I think homeschooling is the same way. We believe that it will be worth it in the end, but some days we just aren't motivated to do it. Some days we drag our feet but still get out of bed and do it. We can keep our motivation up by remembering those incredible feelings we've had. Even if we've only been homeschooling for a short time there are little successes to celebrate. If you need something to keep you getting out of bed this time of year find a homeschool mom farther along on the journey than you. Someone who can share some of the joys of homeschooling, who can give you encouragement to overcome those "hurdles" that you are facing.
So today keep in mind the bigger picture, not just the goals we have for our children and the rewards of homeschooling, but the incredible hope that we share because of our risen Savior.
Since I sing in the choir at my church this means getting up at 4:45 so that I can be there for the sunrise service, and singing in all 4 services. I don't love mornings anyway, but I don't sleep well when I know I'm getting up early because I am afraid that I will oversleep. This can make for a really long Sunday, so I drag my feet a little bit on Easter Sunday morning.
Having done this for several years now though I know that it's worth it. Being in the choir loft at our church I have one of the best views. There are four small windows that overlook one of the foothills that our church is at the base of. There is no feeling more incredible than singing about our risen Savior as the sun comes up. Knowing that I have that sunrise to look forward to is what gets me out of bed, even if I drag my feet a little.
I think homeschooling is the same way. We believe that it will be worth it in the end, but some days we just aren't motivated to do it. Some days we drag our feet but still get out of bed and do it. We can keep our motivation up by remembering those incredible feelings we've had. Even if we've only been homeschooling for a short time there are little successes to celebrate. If you need something to keep you getting out of bed this time of year find a homeschool mom farther along on the journey than you. Someone who can share some of the joys of homeschooling, who can give you encouragement to overcome those "hurdles" that you are facing.
So today keep in mind the bigger picture, not just the goals we have for our children and the rewards of homeschooling, but the incredible hope that we share because of our risen Savior.
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