I'm Just Too Busy

    Funny thing about this time of year is that we tend to look back and evaluate what we've done and think about the things we want to do.  We can call them resolutions or goals, but I think most of us really do have a "resolve" to make something in our life a little better.  Once the hectic atmosphere of Christmas passes I always feel like there are things that I want to do better next year---don't we all?  I know a lot of us hate to make resolutions that we won't keep, but if you're anything like me, you know there are things in your life that need to change.

   Which is why I am back here on my blog.  I have not kept up with it the way I imagined and over the last couple months I have been thinking that I would just let my blog become inactive.  I am just not a blogger I said to myself...I just don't have time for it...and many other excuses I could come up with.

    To be honest it was hard for me to even sit down this morning and write, because I haven't written anything in several months and I feel a bit sheepish.  However, I realized that for the last few months I have just been making excuses.  The truth is we make time for the things that are important to us.  I know as a homeschool mom I am always busy, but I also know that if my best friend calls I will stop and take a few minutes to talk to her.  If one of my kids gets sick I will take them to the doctor.  I routinely take the dogs for a walk and clean my house, and I homeschool.  Even though these things can eat up my time (and A LOT of it) and sometimes make me cranky the truth is they are important to me and I am not too busy to do them.  I have made choices about those things (conscious or unconscious).  

   If I hadn't enjoyed blogging then that would be a different thing, then it wouldn't be quitting.  It would have been an experience.  No different than trying a new food and deciding it's not something you would eat again.  No one feels like a failure for not eating something they didn't like after giving it a try or even two.  However, I do enjoy blogging.  I just felt frustrated that I had great ideas of what to put in my blog and then when I finally sat down to do it at the end of the day I wasn't motivated, or the post I had thought of earlier is no longer to be found in my brain.  I felt like it wasn't as wonderful as I thought.  So, in essence even though I didn't think I was making a conscious decision to quit I was.  Every thing we do in life is by our choice whether we do something or do nothing.  Letting things go by the wayside, whether it's friendships, or hobbies or a blog, is a choice to not do those things. 

    So here I am again, because I enjoy blogging.  I am here again because if we try again then we aren't failing.  If Edison could attempt to make the incandescent lightbulb thousands of times before finally getting the right combination then I have many attempts to fit blogging into my life and find the way that it works for me. 

   For that matter as I start 2012 I have many attempts to "re-try" other things in my life that haven't gone the way I wanted them to this year, and maybe I will finally succeed, or maybe I will have to try again next year, we'll see.

Blogging and sending emails in my head...

     I thought that having a blog would be so great because then I could put some of these thoughts and  wacky conversations  I have with myself down on "paper".  Ahh...imagine all the free space there would be in my mind if I could get rid of some of these words.  Sadly I have discovered that even though I have so much to say I have very little time to say it.  It's not as though I am surprised since I am homeschooling 6 children, but I really envisioned that in the evening there would be so many words ready to pour out of me that I would just have to sit down and blog. 

     What has been surprising is that I come up with some really great things I could blog about and I am super excited about them, but by the time I sit down at the computer I have forgotten everything.  That is sad since some of them are funny and well-written, at least in my mind.

    The only relief I have found in all of this is that it isn't just happening to me, and it doesn't just happen with my blog.  There are many times that I am certain that I have sent an email to someone, only they have never received it.  As it turns out, I have never sent it, I just thought about it in my mind.  I composed it, knew what I was going to say and then never said it.  This happens to my other friends as well, which makes me feel a little less scatterbrained, or at least at home with the other zany moms who do this.   I don't think this happens to men since their brain is more focused than ours and cannot entertain multiple trains of thought like we can.  When my husband is cooking dinner, he is thinking about cooking dinner while I am thinking of the email I need to send, the playdate I need to plan or the blog I am going to write later (which probably never gets written).

     So,  instead of whatever interesting topic I thought of yesterday this is the post that all of you get to read today.  I promise the blogs I write in my head are full of all the little tidbits I would love to share, and some days you will get to read those ones too, at least I hope so.