Don't Forget the Little People

   It was hard for me to figure out what to blog about today.  I have a list of things I would like to blog about (as I'm sure most bloggers do), but I had one of those days where I was behind the eight ball most of the day.  I was running late, messed up dinner, got cranky with my kids, etc.  Those kind of days make me feel like not blogging, because what possible advice could I offer other homeschool moms, except maybe what not to do.

     However, the day didn't start off badly.  I joined some other homeschool moms for breakfast.  This summer we decided that it would be fun to do a mom's breakfast every couple weeks.  We do a potluck type breakfast, and kids are welcome.  For the moms who don't have the room for a lot of people we meet at a park and bring breakfast there.  

    Most of the moms there today had younger children (younger elementary, preschool, toddlers and babies).  It reminded me of when I was in that stage of my homeschool journey and how much I needed the support of other moms, especially "veteran" homeschool moms.  It was so hard to make connections and feel like I was doing the right thing when I didn't know anyone else who was homeschooling.

   I think about this topic off and on since I help lead a support group.  I plan activities and field trips, but since my kids are older I don't always have activities that include the younger moms.  I don't leave them out on purpose, we just aren't always doing things the younger kids can do.  It can be a challenge to plan an activity that my older kids can't (or don't want to attend).  For instance my teens aren't excited about going to a Play Place.

    So, I do my best to try and encourage these moms, and stay in touch with them, since I remember how much I needed someone to say, "You can keep doing this."  But I wanted to encourage other moms to do that too.  Don't forget the little people, the moms who are just starting out and need encouragement and connections.  Even if our kids aren't the same age I know it gives other homeschool moms comfort knowing that if they show up at an activity they will know somebody.

   Some of the ways we can help these moms is to help them get plugged in.  If we know two moms with kids the same age, or two moms who have only children we can introduce them and try and help them connect.  We can send emails or make a phone call to see how they are doing, how homeschool is going.  We can tell them the things we did to make connections, to help our kids find friends, etc.  

     We had a mom leave our group recently.  She was having a hard time finding other moms with younger kids to connect with.  After she left we had an influx of moms with younger kids.  So, I sent her an email and let her know there were some younger moms and that I hadn't forgotten about her, etc.  She told me that she had found another group and made some connections, but she said something else that stuck with me.  She said that if she had still been seeking to connect with others my email would have been a lifeline to her, and she appreciated that I was concerned for her well-being. 

   It made me think, "Am I being a lifeline to the moms who are newer to this?  Am I being a lifeline to the moms who just moved here and are trying to find connections for their kids again?"  I wanted to put this out in the blogosphere to encourage other moms to do this too.  Homeschooling is a LONG journey (as is motherhood in general), and we all start it at different stages.  Some of us start at the very beginning and some pull their kids out in elementary, or Jr. High.  We may think we don't have anything to offer, but sometimes being a listening ear is all that another mom needs.  Someone to say, "That sounds tough," or "I'm sorry you had to deal with that."  I read recently that women process our feelings by talking, and that our husband's brains are actually not capable of dealing with the amount of words that we speak in a day, nor the amount of emotion that we sometimes throw at them.  I'm not offering this as an excuse, just an interesting observation that sometimes our husbands physically cannot process these things as fast as we can.  If we give them too much they stop listening because they have to.  This is a good reminder to be concise, but what it really made me realize is that we need other women to process our feelings to, or a prayer journal or a blog.   Maybe we can be that for other homeschool moms as well.

   So, this week I am going to try to reach out and be a lifeline (or at least a sounding board) for one mom.  I hope that you will consider doing that as well.

Not knowing where to begin

   Really most times that I sit down to blog it's a post that has been running through my head all day.  Something that came up that I started thinking about and just had to share.  The last couple weeks though I haven't had any idea what to write about.  I do keep a list of things to write about, but none of them seemed "inspiring" to me.   I knew that if I sat down and started typing there would be something to say, but since I wasn't sure what I would have to say I did nothing.

   My "real" life is like that too.  I have a whole list of things I would like to get done, and I know if I just get started then something will get done.  But sometimes I am afraid that I won't have time to finish, so I would rather not start, and sometimes I am not sure how to tackle the task, so I do nothing instead.  And a lot of the time I am just not excited about doing it.   It doesn't make a lot of sense to me, because I know that making the effort feels good even if I get nothing accomplished (most of the time anyway). 

   Today there are no children in my house.  This rarely happens.  I did have grand plans today.  I had a few things to catch up on and then I was going to scrapbook.  However, it's 5:30 now and I have yet to get my scrapbook stuff out.   I needed to make another bath of homemade laundry detergent today and I did that.  And now I am blogging which I also wanted to stop neglecting.  But my scrapbooks didn't get brought out yet because I went out and dipped in the kid's wading pool and read a magazine.  Not productive at all, and I am glad we have a privacy fence as my neighbors would surely have gotten a laugh out of me sitting in the kids pool.  But, I was hot and I can never cool myself off in their pool when the kids are home, because I get splashed.  Not to mention who could read with kids running around outside?  Whenever I try that I almost always end up reading the same sentence over and over until I want to cry (and not only does that freak the kids out, but I also don't want them to think that I am the kind of mother who would rather read or do "my stuff" than watch them play and hang out with them).

   So, this what my summer has been like.  I have a list of goals and things I would like to do, but so far I don't feel like I've gotten anywhere and school starts SOON!  I am actually not really sure when I'm going to start school, but I do suddenly feel like time is running out on me.  And not knowing where to begin has really left me with not doing much of anything (now since I rarely get to do hardly anything that is it's own blessing I suppose). 

    So, my plan for the next month is to give myself specific tasks to do each day to get my goals done.  For example I have 2 boxes full of magazines that I need to go through.  I am using them for a craft for the preschoolers at church and I am cutting letters out of them, and pictures of children.  Doesn't seem like a big deal except that those magazines have been sitting in my basement since April.  I decided I am going to get rid of them this summer.  I decided that I would do at least 2 magazines a day.  Now, I still have 2 boxes sitting in my basement, but the piles in them are getting smaller.  So, if I do the same thing with scrapbooks and my other goals then I just might get somewhere.   So, for the next month I am going to make myself blog every day even if it's really short and dumb (wish I could think of a more creative word than that).  Please feel free to skip the dumb posts.  I am hoping by doing this not only will I get in a good habit of writing every day, but also of organizing my thoughts, becoming more concise, and getting some good ideas.  (When I am blogging I always seem to think of things I would like to write about). 

   So, here's to coming up with a place to begin, because a little something done every day can end up being a big thing.  Hoping big things (or at least accomplished goals) come out of me tackling my little projects one little step at a time.

I left my heart in...Sacramento?

   I recently returned from a short visit with a friend who lives near Sacramento.  I should point out that this visit was without my 6 kids.  My husband took care of them while I was gone.  He took them to all their events and even found a replacement vehicle for us while I was away (since our car was recently totaled in an accident).

     The last few months our family has been struggling with some trials and when I shared that with my friend she offered to let me use some frequent flyer miles to come out and visit her.  It was meant to be a break for me, to give me a chance to pull myself together...and it gave me something to look forward to even on days that were a challenge around here.

    I expected that the visit would give me a chance to hang out with my friend and relax, and give me a little bit of breathing room.  However, I was surprised by the way that God grew my heart while I was down there. 

     So, I wouldn't say that I left my heart there...but I did come back with a different heart.  I had some time to get some perspective and it changed some of what my struggles were.  Here is what I learned in Sacramento:

1.   I live in Colorado and being in the mountains is one of my favorite places to be.  However, I haven't seen the ocean in 10 years and I was reminded of how wondrously our world was created and how magnificent and beautiful it is....which made my heart grateful.
2.   My friend moved back to Sacramento a couple years ago and in the meantime we have made do with phone conversations (which doesn't always work with small children).  On the drive to San Francisco (which is an hour and a half from her house) we were able to really talk.  In phone conversations there is no body language for me to gauge if it's okay to ask certain questions, not to mention that I can't give a hug over the phone and sometimes there aren't the right words to say.   As a result I feel more connected with my friend, more a part of her life...this made my heart feel less isolated.
3.   My friend has a 3-year-old son with autism.  She also has a 1-year-old.  This visit was a chance for me to see into her life.  On the phone and through emails she communicates that sometimes her life is stressful, but I got to see firsthand what that means.  Now I can see not only how frustrating it can be, but how good of a job she does.   This made my heart more understanding.
4.   Seeing my friend struggle with her son's autism made me realize that God gives us all something.  It has been hard to struggle these last few months, and sometimes in my frustration I have felt bitterness at the ease that others seem to have.  Seeing my friend's life firsthand made me realize that even though my struggles are different I am not alone in facing things that sometimes seem to be more than I can bear.  This made my heart feel peace.  
5.   Getting a chance to be in my friend's house and in nearly every aspect of her life allowed me to see her in a way that I hadn't before.  Being with her I realized that sometimes in a way to make her feel better I want to make her feel like her life is normal.  I want her to feel that her son with autism behaves like other kids, that he is a normal child.  However, after being there and seeing some of his therapy I realize that he isn't normal.  I'm not saying that in a bad way, I just realized that he will always be different, and for my friend raising him her parenting will never be the same as mine.  My attempt to make her feel normal actually makes me seem dismissive of her concerns.  This made my heart compassionate and it has caused me to think of other ways that I might dismiss the pain of others unintentionally.
6.    My husband and kids did fine without me physically, but upon coming home I realized that having me gone was hard for them.  Not that I think I shouldn't have gone, but it made me realize again the effect that I have on my household.  The spiritual presence that I bring to this house is different than what my husband brings and I realized how much my family needs that.  That made my heart feel renewed.

    Those are just brief thoughts, but it has been amazing to me how much God could grow my heart in just a few days away from home.  How much my perspective could change in 100 hours.  Even after being home for several days now I am still reflecting on how to express how I felt about my vacation and what to tell others when they ask about it.

The Effects of a homeschool convention...

  I spent the weekend at our local homeschool convention and there are a ton of things I could write about.  How wonderful and encouraging it is to be supported.  How overwhelming it is to be surrounded by curriculum.  Yet what struck me the most this weekend was how the convention can make homeschool moms like us feel less than.

    Now there are highs and lows at every convention and certainly I believe the benefits outweigh the low self-esteem we can struggle with.  For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about let me paint the scenario for you.

   You enter a workshop, looking for great ideas, hoping to be encouraged and find ways to make your homeschool experience go better next year (since we all have things that need improving).  But as the speaker starts talking about all the things she does/did on her homeschool journey to make their homeschool great and their family closer we can start feeling discouraged.  For example, even though she has grown kids they all still come over on Fridays with their spouses and have a potluck dinner and play games.  One son wants to go into politics.  Or he takes his teenagers to work with him because they need their dad and every dad should have a job where his teens can be with him.

    Now I am not saying any of these things are wrong.  In fact a lot of things that other homeschoolers try can bring us great benefits if we implement them as well...BUT sometimes they make us feel guilty because we know we just can't do some of those things, or our husbands wouldn't do some of those things.   Or we had a great time at the convention and when we come home our kids are bickering and fighting.  We're in such a good mood from the convention that we put on our "good mom" face and discipline the right way.  But as the bickering continues we start feeling like our family will never be as successful as those other homeschool families.

   Now we all know that those homeschool families have their struggles and downfalls, but it makes little difference to us when our 12-year-old is telling us that we're the meanest mom ever.  I must confess that one of my biggest pet peeves is when the speakers say that they did this or that and their kids have never strayed as if homeschooling a certain way is a formula that guarantees wonderful lives for our children full of only good choices.  As if homeschooling can protect our children from all the temptations of Satan, as if the enemy can't figure out how in the world to tempt homeschool kids.  Now let me get off my soapbox and finish this post.

   So I feel like I need to say that the workshops do give us some good goals to strive for, but we need to carefully consider and pray about implementing any idea just because it worked for someone else.  I believe that sometimes we are convicted to change something that needs to be changed, but sometimes we are just changing something because we feel bad or guilty just because someone else says we should. 

     I needed to remind myself today that God uses the good things that we are doing in the lives of our children, but He also uses the bad things.  If we as mature believers are shaped by trials and struggles then so are our children.  I remember reading once that being married is meant to make us holy and not just happy.  That doesn't mean marriage is all the pits, just that God uses those relationships to make us better people.  In the same way He will use our failings to make our children the people He wants them to be.  Much like He makes us better people (and better parents) by what our children bring into our lives. (Nothing like 4 out of 6 children throwing up every 15 minutes from 9 PM-4AM to teach endurance).   Having lived with flawed human beings we have more patience with others.  Having a sibling who talks too much might teach us better communication techniques.  Having a brother who struggles learning to read might teach us not to make fun of the kids at church who stumble when asked to read out loud from the Bible.

   So, at the homeschool conference this weekend I was encouraged.  I was encouraged by being around other homeschoolers, by being in some workshops where I was doing some of the things the speakers were doing, by getting some ideas that might help me change some struggles for the better.  I was also encouraged by a God who reminded me that just as He is using all the situations in my life (good and bad) to change things that need to be changed, He is using all the things in my life (good and bad) to shape my children into the people He wants them to be.   

Under Construction...

    Remodeling has been on my mind recently.   You might think this is because my husband is a carpenter, but in fact I am thinking of the kind of remodeling that God does.   I stumbled across this illustration in a book by Gary Thomas called Sacred Influence.  He says, "..change the equation of your marriage by remodeling yourself."  This quote got me to thinking about the kind of remodeling that can take place on the inside, and the kind of remodeling that God does not just in our marriages, but in our lives as well.

    It's an analogy that appeals to me, and that's easy for me to relate to.  For one thing it's my husband's job and I have seen ugly rooms become beautiful ones and unfinished basements become living spaces.  We've also remodeled several houses that we've lived in so I also thought about the length of time that the process can take, how frustrating it can be, but what a gift it can be when it's finished.

    The last 5 months have been a time of remodeling in my life.  The demolition at the beginning was incredibly painful and hurtful, but that has mostly subsided.  Even though the initial destruction is over, the rebuilding process seems to be taking a long time over here and some days (or weeks) it's frustrating to me to still be in "remodel" mode.  I keep wondering what God is up to, and why after all these months I still can't see it.  It's like hiring a contractor to re-do your bathroom, but you don't get any input.  You just tell him to make it better than when you started.  Then you spend the whole project checking in every day and trying to visualize what He's doing.  Some days (like when he puts the tile down) you think, "Wow that's better than I would have chosen."  But other days you stand in there and think, "I like the tile, but this bathroom is so ugly, I liked it better before," even though the project isn't finished.

   In contrast redecorating is what Christians do in our own life.  Similar to adding a new piece of furniture or paint color sometimes we change something that makes our life run easier or makes our family look (and sometimes function better).  These are some of the "a-ha" moments that we have in church, things like "Oh I never realized that when I do that my spouse feels dishonored, so I'm going to stop doing that."  Now I believe that those things are convictions from the Holy Spirit, but we feel the conviction and then we choose to redecorate or not.

   Remodeling isn't like that at all.  Remodeling is when God makes big changes in our life, and those things either strengthen our character and turn our lives into something more beautiful or we choose to close the door to that room that has been demolished and not let the contractor finish his work.  Sometimes we move out of the house all together.  But the one I am most guilty of is stalling the contractor's work.  I let Him come in and do His job, but some days I don't like what He's doing so I fire Him.  I tell Him I can finish the job myself, or He can come back when He lets me keep the leaky faucet because I like that better than the new one that will actually works better.  Then a couple days later I call Him up and tell Him I was wrong and He can come and replace the faucet after all.     It sure slows the project down and I wish that I could just let Him do His work undisturbed, or better yet that I could be more helpful during the process. But some days I just get sick of the remodeling and I don't care if the room is beautiful when He's done, I just want Him to hurry up and finish.

   In my husband's line of work quality takes time.  A good contractor doesn't dawdle, but He does the job as quickly as possible without compromising the quality of the work.  A good contractor also doesn't gloss over something that needs to be fixed.  Sure you can replace molded drywall, but if you don't figure out what is causing the mold then in a few years you'll have to replace it again. 

     Our heavenly Father is like that as well.  He has a vision of something wonderful that He can build into our lives.  Sometimes we don't need the whole bathroom redone, just some new tile or a new drain.  He comes in, makes the change and it cause us a little inconvenience, maybe even some slight pain and then He's done.  But there are times when He comes in, tears the whole room out and fixes it piece by piece.  He takes the tub out and there's a leak, so He has to fix that.  He gets to the lighting and some new wiring needs to be done.   Like a quality contractor He can't leave the problem unresolved or it will just come back.  Sometimes though we ask Him to leave and we either try to finish what He started or we leave the room in shambles and pretend everything is okay.  Then a couple months (or years) later the problem is back and when we let him come back in it's harder to fix.

     Where can we find hope when one of our internal rooms is all torn apart?  If we have been remodeled before we have the reminder of what a beautiful thing He created last time He was at work. And the Bible talks about remembering the works He has done.  The Bible also give us hope, and I think there are a couple of verses that come to mind when I think of remodeling.

   "He has made everything beautiful in his time..."  Ecclesiastes 3:11
   
     "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Phillippians 1:6

    One day we will have glorified bodies that don't need any more remodeling.  In the meantime we can take hope that we are being transformed to bring glory to the Lord and we can rejoice with those who have been remodeled and transformed.  We can share our stories to bring others hope in the midst of their own remodeling.


   "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful."  Hebrews 10:23
     

    

The lazy days of summer?

      To be honest summer is my least favorite season.  For one thing I am not much for the heat.  I remember as a teenager I used to love taking naps outside in my swimsuit, but now the thought of that makes me ill (and not just because the thought of putting on a swimsuit is slightly tainted by the fact that I've had 6 kids),but because being in the sun too much makes me feel sick and gives me headaches. 

    Anyway, while summer was once a time to sit and enjoy reading books and having fun in the sun I now look forward to it for all I can get accomplished.  Sometimes I wish that I could have a summer where I didn't have to do much, but honestly that makes me a little cranky thinking of all the things that would never get done.  

   I love homeschooling because of the flexibility it creates, and we do have a little bit of school over the summer...a few hours here and there to catch up on stuff and to make sure we don't forget anything.  For the most part though I take as much time off as I can simply because I need it.  I know once school starts (and all the activities that go with it like Awana for example) the time I have to get things done shrinks to about 30-45 minutes a day.  I would like to say an hour, but if you count all the interruptions from various children I am sure that takes at least 15 minutes off the clock, even if I was working on the same thing for an hour.  This is true even if I hide in the bathroom (also known as the teacher's lounge), because my children always know when I am in there.  

   And honestly, even though I know it shouldn't be the case I am just crankier when school is in session for the simple fact that there is less time for me and more time spent helping other people (mainly the tribe that lives here), sometimes more time than I would like to spend.  I think that sacrifice is necessary for my growth, but I can espouse on that some other time.   I am a nicer person in the summer.  I would like to be that same nice person year round even when I have more responsibilities, but I am a work in progress.

    What I am looking forward to most this summer is getting a few things done.  Some of these things have been on my to-do list since January, but I am hoping this summer I can accomplish at least a few.  So, here is my list of what I hope to be doing during these "lazy" summer days.

• deep cleaning (actually this one is fairly easy since I already did some this spring--I have one kids room left)
• scrapbooks--honestly I would love to get all caught up, but my goal for the summer is to catch up just 1 year (I am 3 years behind)
• learn to crochet---I did try this in the Spring, but I could not figure it out.  It may not be for me, but I am sure hopeful that with my daughter's help I can actually make something.  I have my eye on a project I would like to attempt, so we'll see.
• "spruce up" my blog--there are some changes I would like to make here as well, but I certainly need some uninterrupted time to work on that.
• work on my family tree---For Christmas I gave my dad a family tree that goes back 5 generations.  I started doing the research for him, but as it turns out I really enjoy it.  There were some holes that I couldn't find information for and I would like to have time to get some of that figured out.
• I have a stack of 5 or 6 books that have been waiting for me, and a list of even more that I would love to read...so I will be doing at least a little reading.  I have been trying to read while on the treadmill, but that makes me a bit dizzy.
• Be nice to my neighbor---I am sure this sounds funny, but I found out today that my neighbor thinks I don't like her.  Apparently she has said hi to me a few times and I didn't respond.  I would not have ignored her on purpose, so I am either deaf or just relieved to be outside without any children bothering me.  So, I am praying for ways to show her that she is important to me.
• Do a puzzle.  Oh, I love puzzles, but when they are out I can't do anything else, so I don't get them out during the school year.  If I get enough of my goals accomplished maybe I can do more than one puzzle, or maybe I will do several and just leave a few of my goals unfinished, after all they have been waiting for several months already.
• Finishing my son's blanket---I would like to finish cross-stitching a blanket that I started for my son several years ago.  He is almost 8 by the way, but insists that he would still like to have it, so I am going to try and finish it...sometime...in the not too distant future.
• I found some great systems that work for me around here, but there are a couple areas of my life that I would like to be a bit better organized, so I am going to try and figure out how to put that onto paper.  For one thing the number of library books that come home with us and then don't get returned on time bothers me.  I have some checked out, my kids have some checked out...I think I will blog about this one day and perhaps come up with a great solution for next year.  I also need to supplement my calendar system...still thinking about that.
• Be thriftier...I have some tips I would like to try and see if they do help around here.  Problem is they involve trips to the store and money (although they should save me money in the end).

• Unfinished projects.  There are several small things around here that could be accomplished with just a few hours over here, or a couple phone calls (trips to the vet, getting the ducts cleaned, finishing a craft project that's more than halfway done).  It would feel great if I could finish these up--or just even one or two.

  Reading over that I'm not sure there will be much time to enjoy summer, so I will have to try and spread it out and do just a little each day.  And yet reading the list also makes me feel so excited and ambitious that I can hardly wait to get started, so I think my summer will be enjoyable anyway, even if I'm not laying around.   


 

So much to learn....

   Really I started blogging because I have millions of thoughts running through my head, which usually ends up with me talking to myself in public places.  I needed somewhere to share what is going on with my life.  Hopefully so other homeschool moms can say, "I know exactly what you're talking about," or "Here's what I did..."    And I must confess the people who live in my house are tired of listening to me all the time, so I was hoping there would be someone out there in "webland" or "blogland" who might show some interest in what I had to say.  If not then I can just going on talking to myself, or my cat since that seems to have kept me at least partially sane the last 14 years of motherhood.

   What amazes me is how little I know about blogging.  I have been visiting other blogs and I am so amazed at what some of these pages look like.  It's almost like the first time that I visited a homeschool convention....so much curriculum I wanted to use it all.   This blogging journey is similar in some ways.  It's overwhelming to think of all that lies ahead and all that I must learn if I want to keep doing this.  It's also exciting to think of all the cool things that could happen and all the benefits there could be from getting to connect with other bloggers and homeschool moms.  It's also a bit nervewracking (my spell check this isn't a word no matter how I spell it)  to think of the many ways that I am probably going to screw this up a few times before I get it right.  I only say that because I have had some missteps in homeschooling.  (I don't consider them failures since I have either fixed them, or I'm still working on them.)  The difference is that blogging is a little more public than homeschooling, so there is the possibility that more people will be involved to see me screw up.  However, since I suspect that most of them will be moms I am pretty sure they will be forgiving since most of us have discovered (and felt guilty about the fact) that you can't be as perfect of a mom as you thought you could be.  

    So, here I start this new journey and hope that I will enjoy it as much as I enjoy homeschooling.  The only dilemma I now have (besides figuring everything out) is that I am so excited that I am wanting to take summer break early so that I can work on my blog.  While I am sure my kids would love this, I would regret that come August when I have to catch up on the few things we actually needed to finish.